Keep Smiling

What's the right response when people treat you unfriendly in a dominant way?

By nature you could probably respond in two ways:

• Defending yourself, find or make up excuses, explain
• Express your irritation or frustration

Neither strategies will help. It's probably better to react paradoxically and react with friendly dominant behavior.



You could do this for instance by asking open, non-directive questions. This way you will gain the initiative.

Hold on!
One paradoxical intervention will certainly not be enough to get grip on the situation.

You'll have to keep up and sustain your friendly behavior, even if this means you have to act against your feelings.

From the heart
Try to make this way of reaction a matter of the heart and not of acting against your nature.

It's simply a matter of keeping up your dominant friendliness for a longer period of time than the other person can keep up his dominant unfriendliness.


This approach will finally lead to results, when the other person, according to the mirror principles, responds with what is called 'submissive friendliness'.

Once the other person eventually starts answering your questions and following your line of conversation, success is within reach.


So remember, keep smiling, from the heart.

---

Optimal route in life

Do you also intent to follow the simplest, direct or easiest route in Life?

Right you are....

Going from A to B in life is like a risk management game.

As the captain of your Body&Mind-Ship (BMS) heading for a New Land at Port Novaya Zemlya, you'll have three starting issues:


Three starting issues

1. Define your target (B): Know where you want to go in life
2. Define your starting point (A): Know Where an Who you are in life
3. Define your Route: Know How you want to go from A to B

In terms of risk management there are two main targets:


Main Risk Management Targets

1. Long term Target
   Reach your final target (Novvaya Zemlya)
2. Short term Target
   Avoid short time risks, tackle problems along the way (avoid ice floes)

So, what kind of approach is right for reaching your goal?

• If you concentrate too much in life on your 'final goal' or you want to achieve your goals too fast or too direct, you'll certainly hit a short term problem, like an ice floe, and end up crashed as a hero or a martyr.


• If you concentrate too much on the short term problems in your life, you'll loose sight on your final goal and certainly fail to reach Novaya Zemlya.

The solution is (of course) to concentrate on the short term goals as well as keep an eye on the long term goal at the same time.


The optimal route?

But what is the best strategy for finding the optimal route in life?

Take a look at the next map to find out the best strategy for this ship.




Strategy I: Don't think, go to your target in a straight line

The most logical route from A to B would of course be a straight line. However following this line as a blind man would certainly lead to failure.


Strategy II: Keep as much is possible to the straight line

As BMS captain might look like the 'best strategy' solution. This is how we often directly respond in life when we do not succeed in getting what we want the way we planned it.

Often this route is 2 to 3 times longer than the 'straight line route' and does not always guarantee that you reach your goal in the labyrinth of life.

As mostly in life , the best advice is....


Strategy III: Get help and plan!

As BMS captain with the right attitude and perseverance to succeed, you consult your friends and foes and draw yourself the best possible satellite map, so that you'll be able to oversee the 'seascape' of your life, with all relevant problems, like ice foes ahead.

Often this optimal ice route is 1.5 times longer than the 'straight line route', but it guarantees the highest success rate.


But what to do if you have no information at all? That's when thinking and mathematics come in, or it gets time for an alternative approach before you freeze in reaching for Novvaya Zemlya....

---

Zero Sum Thinking

Ever heard about a Zero Sum? We all grew up by what's called


Zero Sum Thinking

Zero Sum Thinking (ZST) is the view that one party's gain is another party's loss

Simple illustrations of ZST are:

• If I get the biggest piece of the cake, you won't
• If I get this job, you won't
• Producing more cars leads to more air pollution
• Because the rich get richer, the poor get poorer
• Playing check or tic tac toe
• If I get happy, you'll feel bad

By playing all kind of "zero sum games" as a child, ZST has become a part of our life. Often an unconscious part.

Zero Sum Games are a part of the game-theory or economic game theory. They fundamentally influenced our way of thinking when we were young.

For some people, like Colin Powell, Zero Sum Thinking even became an obsession.




Often later on in life, we discover that there is much more than ZST


Non Zero Sum Thinking

If you are a stubborn pessimist, Non Zero Sum Thinking will probably lead to Negative Sum Thinking. You think that everything you do in life is worthless. You think you only create damage to others and the world. Life eventually will become a hell for you. A hell created by yourself, a self fulfilling prophecy.


However, let's practise


Positive Sum Thinking

Yeah, Positive Sum Thinking (PST) means that you search for ways where not only you, but all parties benefit from a certain action. PST creates value.
This "creating more value" can be done in many ways, like cooperation, innovation, creation, sharing, caring or investing.

In fact PST could be defined as a fundamental kind of attitude in life.


You either believe that everything in this universe adds up to nothing or know that if all advantages (created value) are crossed off against the disadvantages (damage), something positive is left.
That something positive is "what you are doing it for" in life. In fact that "something positive" is life, is love, is you and me in the heart. It makes the difference.

Remember when you face a new challenge...., Start PST............

---

Reach the top

We often think that, to reach the Top or to achieve a specific goal, we need that very special person, or a specific tool. For simple goals in life, like ’repairing the water closet’, that’s true.
In case of more complicated or ambitious goals, it’s not that simple.
Take the example of climbing one of the highest mountains in the world, e.g. the Himalaya.




To achieve an ambitious goal like that, it takes different instruments and help, depending on the phase you’re in:

• Going to Tibet, your feet won’t help you, you’ll need an airplane
  
• Climbing to the sub top, the airplane isn’t of any use, you’ll need the help of sherpa’s
  
• Climbing the last 100 meters to the top, you don’t need sherpa’s, you’ll need oxygen masks

Beside this, it’s clear that in these cases you’ll need to develop a plan and divide the preparation tasks between the team members.

As you notice, just like climbing the K2, every new phase (in time or life) on the way to your (whatever) personal defined goal, urges a different kind of help.
Although this Himalaya example looks very simple, we often don’t act up on this insight.


Some simple examples:

• We think the luxury car we bought will also help us in case we have to transport grass-patches.
  
• We try to break down the wall with the help of a nail hammer instead of buying a brick hammer.
  
• When filling in a vacancy, we keep searching for a candidate that is a ’sheep with five legs’.
  
• After happy holidays with a new person we met, we automatically assume that this person shall become your best friend
  
• You think that because your wife is a good mother, she will also have the skills to be your best business partner.
  
• You think that because your husband is good at fixing a bicycle, he will also fix your TV set
  
• We assume (implicit) that a successful manager in ’Greenfield operations’, will also be successful in case of a grown business.

Possible reasons for this blind sight are:

• We like to stick to our positive experiences and translate or extrapolate the current developments linear to the future
  
• We like to be ’penny wise’, but are (in fact) ’pound foolish’
  
• We don’t want to disappoint our friends or family or we have unrealistic expectations about them

So don’t get stuck in the old axiom that

If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to approach every problem in life as if it were a nail

Looking from another perspective. If circumstances, times or goals change and you no longer fit in an organizations’s or a relationships’s mission or goal, quitting, divorcing or getting fired is sometimes the best solution. These situations have in general nothing to do with worries like ’I wasn’t good enough’ or ’People don’t appreciate me’.

Pick up your hat and create new steps in life.
So stay awake to reach the top and dare to change people, instruments, your vision or yourself, if your goal urges you.

---

Flow Chart Control

You're having success on success, your life 'flows by'. It's fun, challenging and exciting. Then... suddenly things start to go wrong and your not in your flow anymore. You're out of control. What happened?


When your challenges and skills are in balance things run smooth in life. This is called Flow


Managing and controlling your personal ´flow chart´, is done by consecutively increasing challenges and skills step by step.
To achieve higher goals we cannot simply set higher challenges. In case of too much challenge, the healthy amount of challenge (arousel) emerges to stress and finally to anxiety. We often blame the world, but in fact we've to blame ourselves. Bring down the stress, relax or take time to improve your skills (school, training, or reprogramming at an older age in life) until you feel that challenge and skills are rebalanced again.





This principle of balance between challenge and skills is described in Mr. Mihaly Csiksczentmihalyi's book 'Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience".

A summary of Csiksczentmihalyi's teachings is given by the next interesting paradoxes and insights:

• Happiness
  We cannot reach happiness by consciously searching for it. Don't aim at success - the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot by pursued; it must ensure....as the unintended side-effect of one's personal dedication to a course greater than oneself." (p. 2)
  
  


• The Paradox of Control
  What people enjoy is not the sense of being in control, but the sense of exercising control in difficult situations. It is not possible to experience a feeling of control unless one is willing to give up the safety of protective routines." (p. 61)
  Achieve control over one's consciousness, overcoming the common perception that our lives are shaped by forces beyond our control. Everyone has experienced times when, instead of being buffeted by anonymous forces, we do feel in control of our actions, masters of our own fate. On the rare occasions that it happens, we feel a sense of exhilaration, a deep sense of enjoyment that is long cherished and that becomes a landmark in memory for what life should be like. This is what we mean by optimal experience (or flow)
  
  


• Best moment paradox
  Contrary to what we usually believe, moments like these, the best moments of our lives, are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times... The best moments occur when a person's body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile...in the long run optimal experiences add up to a sense of mastery - or perhaps better, a sense of participation in determining the content of life - that comes as close to what is usually meant by happiness as anything else we can conceivably imagine." (pp. 2-3)
  
  


• The Purpose of Consciousness
  The Purpose of Consciousness is to represent information about what is happening outside and inside the organism in such a way that it can be evaluated and acted upon by the body (p. 24).However, it is noted that consciousness also shapes and filters what enters our consciousness, thus determining what we experience as our life.
  
  


• Optimal Experiences

Examples of 'optimal experiences' are activities such as making music, rock climbing, dancing, sailing, chess, and so forth. What makes these activities conducive to flow is that they were designed to make optimal experience easier to achieve. They have rules that require the learning of skills, they set goals, they provide feedback, they make control possible. They facilitate concentration and involvement by making the activity as distinct as possible from the so-called "paramount reality" of everyday existence." (p. 72)




• The Transformation of Time
  One of the most common descriptions of 'optimal experience' is that time no longer seems to pass the way it ordinarily does...
  
  


• The Paradox of Work
  In our studies we have often encountered a strange inner conflict in the way people relate to the way they make their living. On the one hand, our subjects usually report that they have had some of their most positive experiences while on the job. From this response it would follow that they would wish to be working, that their motivation on the job would be high. Instead, even when they feel good, people generally say that they would prefer not to be working, that their motivation on the job is low. The converse is also true: when supposedly enjoying their hard-earned leisure, people generally report surprisingly low moods; yet they keep on wishing for more leisure." (p. 158)
  
  


• The quality of life
  The quality of life depends on two factors: how we experience work, and our relations with other people
  

---

The Power of Indecision

You always take a decision, even if you don't.

In fact, every (non)decision or (non)action changes the world and has a deep impact on your life and that of others.
Once you are aware of this immense effect, don't let this make you indecisive.

Try to define your next move, make a decision.




Not taking the right decisions at the right moment, might lead to a Lost Choice.


When not to decide

Even if you make decisions easily, in particular cases it's better to take the decision 'not to decide' (yet) and to wait and ask the universe for help.
Sometimes your intentions, dreams or wishes are too ambitious or difficult to achieve (at once). You can not dictate the universe to follow the exact path you've defined in reaching your goal.
This, all together, means that must give the universe time to respond or to calibrate.


Following this approach doesn't imply that you have to sit back passively and wait for the universe to deliver you the 'pot of gold at the end of the rainbow'.
No, this situation requests for a receptive approach where you listen to what the universe answers. These often inconceivable 'universal answers' hold the key to refine or redefine your ambition or wishes.
At the same time, use the universal answers to check or adjust the rightfulness of your intentions. You and the Universe have to be 'on the same page' to be successful.


Once you've gone through all these processes, you're ready to make your 'next move' to step forward in small steps, knowing and trusting that the Universe will help you at the right moment (the present) with the right gift (the presents).


It's just like Mick Jagger (Rolling Stones) states in this impacting "you can't always get what you want song:"

You can't always get what you want But if you try sometimes you just might find You just might find You get what you need... Mick Jagger

Realize that, to "make it happen", you'll have to follow the law of attraction, that states:

“What we continually think about..., eventually will manifest in our lives.” Robert Collier 1885-1950

Notice that this quote uses the word "'manifest' and not 'happen'!


Sing the universal song

So try to recognize the song of the universe, just like scientists are studying the song of a volcano (mp3) to predict volcano eruptions by correlating (Mozart's) music with precise stages of volcanic activity.





Use the power of indecision: sing and dance to the music of the universe, your composition, your life.

---

Gorilla beats!

A gorilla has beaten the major Dutch stock indices




The major Dutch stock index – the AEX – has been beaten by gorilla Jacko for the fourth consecutive year.
The stock portfolio which was hand-picked by the gorilla, outperformed the AEX by almost 4%.
Jacko's performance was even better than that of the top analists.

This phenomenon gives rise to the thought that intelligence has its limits and that a chaotic system at the best can only be beaten by another chaotic system and not by intelligence alone.

It's the same in our lives...
don't always try to beat by intelligence...
Sometimes follow your hart

---